Interpreting D4vd’s Birth Chart

I’ve been following this case closely, partly because my son and Celeste share the same exact birth date and year if I’m being completely honest.

That initial personal connection is what kept me engaged with this case longer than I typically would be. What continues to stand out to me is how incomplete and fragmented the public understanding still is of who he actually is as a person, at least from what is available.

If I did not know better, I would almost assume that with how calculated some of his preparations for fame appeared to be, he had people signing NDAs as far back as New York. Im just being facetious when I make that remark because obviously he was a child. It still is, at the same time, impossible to not notice how unusually controlled and silent everything surrounding him feels.

So much that it does look like he somehow anticipated that he would one day need that level of image protection, and long before any real spotlight was in question.

Since court proceedings have been pushed further out, the only publicly documented material being used as reference points by creators and reporters seems to be limited to the prosecution’s alleged timeline based on initial digital evidence, along with the medical examiner’s report that established cause of death and the autopsy findings.
Outside of that, what circulates is mostly Discord leaks and online threads where internet researchers continue piecing things together and speculating. There is still no single piece of evidence publicly available that, on its own, makes a conviction feel unavoidable at this stage.
Even with that lack of definitive clarity, I did not find myself losing interest in the case. If anything, it pushed my focus in an entirely different direction.

I’m sure it raises the question of why, outside of my son sharing a birth date with Celeste, I would care enough to go this far into understanding someone who has no direct connection to my life.
The reason I ended up doing a birth chart interpretation is simple. At this point in my 41 years of life, pattern recognition feels almost automatic. I notice inconsistencies. Disruptions. Moments where something no longer flows the way a situation normally should.

There are many disturbing details about this case as a whole, but the part that continues to stand out to me is the disbelief that someone his age, only a year and two days younger than my oldest daughter, could allegedly plot and execute something this severe against someone he spent a significant amount of time with, even if much of it existed online.

The alleged actions afterward regarding her remains almost reflect fragmented flashes of humanity surfacing in between performance and panic. Not remorse. I do not believe he suddenly viewed her as a person in those moments. I think she existed in his mind more as an object, a possession, something that relieved boredom and fed stimulation. But there are moments where reality likely interrupted the fantasy. Moments where it hit him that he could no longer just text her again, and with that realization came panic, procrastination, concealment, and increasingly irrational decisions.

The chainsaws. The burn cage. As gruesome as those details are, they also reflect disorganized thinking and impulsive escalation more than some calculated mastermind narrative. What stood out to me most was the sloppiness. Ordering items directly to the residence despite fully understanding digital footprints immediately raised questions for me. Either this was someone severely impaired, potentially abusing substances like MDMA or other party drugs while deeply sleep deprived, or someone else was involved entirely. Extended sleep deprivation alone can distort reality, heighten paranoia, impair judgment, and create increasingly reckless behavior. Add substances into that equation, and people stop processing risk the way they normally would.

But the contradiction is what keeps bothering me. This is someone who spent years online and built an identity through algorithms, virality, internet culture, and performance. Someone fully aware of how traceable digital behavior is. A VPN does not magically erase that reality. So ordering things directly to the residence under slightly altered names feels either unbelievably reckless or intentionally planted. Maybe there was outside involvement. Maybe someone else manipulated the situation. Maybe both dynamics existed simultaneously.

What stands out most to me is how little external perspective exists around someone who was essentially living online and only recently became culturally visible. Her family was nearby, she was actively being searched for, and yet there is this strange absence of consistent outside accounts that clarify who he was beneath the public persona.
The silence from people around him, friends, associates, and past connections creates a gap that is hard to reconcile with how digitally exposed his life appeared to be. It raises questions, not necessarily conclusions, about what dynamics were actually operating in that circle and why so few people have added clear, grounded context to the public narrative.

How I became familiar with behavior and deeper psychological profiling beyond the average person comes from my professional background in behavioral analysis, along with coursework completed while studying Criminal Justice Technology. Part of that education focused specifically on the psychological aspects of criminal behavior and criminal profiling.

During the final semester of one of those courses, we visited a Virginia state prison and sat down face to face with inmates serving 30 plus year sentences. Using the information collected during those interviews, we were required to complete a multilayered criminal and psychological profile of each individual as they would have appeared prior to arrest. It accounted for half of our final grade and honestly stayed with me long after the class ended.
So when I say I am professionally trained to read people, patterns, inconsistencies, and presentation shifts, I mean that quite literally. The investigative part of my brain gets activated when details stop aligning. I start noticing little notification dings internally when updates conflict with the original psychological impression I formed of someone. After enough of those moments stack up, I pay attention.
That is what happened here.
I did not initially care enough to deeply research him as a person. What caught my attention were the glitches. The inconsistencies. The details that psychologically did not flow together in a clean or expected way. This case, more than most I have looked at, completely disrupted the profiling algorithm in my head. People were off. I was off too.

What I actually wanted to understand was something more specific. Was this an extremely immature man child who spent years fabricating identities until one finally worked? Or was this someone desperate for an entirely different life, someone shaped by rejection after being pulled out of traditional schooling, who discovered that online spaces responded to him in ways the real world never had and then built on that relentlessly?

Down to the algorithm friendly name d4vd. Down to interviews where he openly said he planned to retire after five years. To me, this never fully felt rooted in artistry. A true artist can not simply shut creativity off like a switch. That statement sounded more like image management, discipline theater, and controlled exclusivity. It creates mystique. It makes limited access to feel intentional. Even the secretive fan circles like the “4 Heads” suddenly made far more psychological sense after looking at his chart and behavioral presentation through a different lens.

Even when he appeared to align with certain criminal archetypes on paper, emotionally detached offender, narcissistic presentation, identity fragmentation, manipulative persona construction, none of the textbook profiles fully fit. He mirrored aspects of three or four different archetypes simultaneously without fully locking into any of them.
That was the point where I stopped doom scrolling through tabs and commentary that led nowhere. I literally closed everything on my desktop, pulled out graph paper and my astrology reference books, and approached it from an entirely different lens. Most people in criminal justice or psychology would probably roll their eyes at that because astrology lacks scientific validation in those fields. I understand that argument completely.
But once I mapped out his astrological birth chart to examine relational and behavioral patterns as structured data rather than narrative interpretation.

I was honestly baffled by how much clearer the psychological structure became to me.

Before I get into the interpretation, I wanted to say, to those who consider Astrology data as Mystical I want to be clear that I do not treat Astrology as a scientific measure. I am using it as a symbolic pattern mapping tool I have applied in past case studies to better understand behavioral sequencing and relational dynamics.

The absolutely last thing I want to say before I break down his chart is very important and needs to be said.  I noticed that I was blt first to do an interpretation of his chart even though my inspiration was ideally mine and wasnt fueled by seeing someone else do it, I also saw many of those same people doing a synastry (relationship) chart for the two of them.  For those who are unfamiliar with what thar entails its simple to explsin.  It tajee two birth charts lf the teo individuals, and overlaps them and then a 3rd chart is created fron the intersections. Yhis is a chart that interprets the relationship vs the one for the individual thats done from birthb want to be transparent about one decision I made. While I could have mapped a synastry chart between the two of them, I chose not to. I did look at her chart separately to get a sense of her general mannerisms, but framing what happened between them as a relationship is not something I can do comfortably. Mature as she was, she was still a child. That framing flattens something that should not be flattened.
Now let me show you what his chart actually says.

The Birth Chart Interpretation

Aries Sun in the 10th House
His entire identity was his public image. Aries suns at their worst are deeply narcissistic, and in the 10th, that ego is completely fused with fame and status. No audience = no self. Now remove the in person community and replace it with follower counts and streaming numbers. That fragile ego has no reality check. Ever. The internet becomes the only mirror, and it only reflects back what you want to see.
That retirement to an island after five years comment? Completely consistent. Aries Sun in the 10th is not driven by passion. It is driven by conquest. Once the peak is reached, there is nothing left to chase. The goal was never the music. The goal was the arrival.

Gemini Moon — The Compartmentalizer Goes Fully Online

Shadow Gemini Moon is already one of the most dissociative placements in the zodiac. Online interaction supercharges it. When you never have to be the same person in a physical space, the compartmentalization becomes total. Different personas for different platforms, different DMs, and different worlds that never collide. No body language, no accountability, no one who knows the full picture.
This placement was basically built for that environment and not in a good way. The homeschool pipeline removed every in person check that might have interrupted it. By the time he was interacting with anyone at scale, it was entirely through a screen where he could be whoever the moment required.

Venus in Taurus — Parasocial Possession

Shadow Taurus Venus already struggles to see people as autonomous. Online interaction makes this dramatically worse. You can curate exactly who you let in, control the dynamic completely, and never have to deal with someone as a full three-dimensional human. Fans become objects. Relationships become transactions you control entirely. The possessiveness has no friction to push back against it.

Mars in Aquarius — Detachment Without Consequence

This is the placement that online isolation really warps. Aquarius Mars is already emotionally detached in action. But when all your interactions are through a screen, that detachment gets normalized and then deepened. You never have to see the impact of what you do in real time. No facial expressions, no immediate consequences, no visceral human reaction to recalibrate against. The coldness just calcifies.
This is also the placement that explains the bewilderment when things collapse publicly. Aquarius Mars does not compute emotional consequences. The gap between his self-image and everyone else’s perception of what happened is likely never fully closed in his own mind.

Saturn in Cancer — No Real Home Base Ever Formed

Homeschooled, moved from Queens to Houston, primary community was online. Saturn in Cancer needs roots, needs a felt sense of belonging and emotional safety to develop healthy boundaries. He never got that. Instead, the home became the internet, which is boundaryless by design. Unhealed Saturn in Cancer without any stable physical community is a recipe for someone who genuinely never learned where they end and other people begin.
This is also where the rejection sensitivity lives. Saturn in Cancer wounds runs deep and quiet. They do not announce themselves. They just shape every single relational decision made afterward.

Case Specific: How Does This Chart Handle Being Exposed?

Aries Sun in the 10th absolutely cannot cope with public image collapse. This is someone whose entire sense of self is tied to how they are perceived. Being exposed as inauthentic or attached to scandal is not just embarrassing, it is an existential threat. Under less extreme circumstances the response is typically explosive denial, doubling down, or immediate rebranding. They do not quietly accept it.
But his Gemini Moon is equally relevant here. This placement genuinely does not always experience itself as fake. The compartmentalization is so complete that each version felt real in the moment. So exposure feels like a betrayal or an attack rather than accountability. “That wasn’t the real me” is a very Gemini Moon response.
Mars in Aquarius adds a layer of genuine bewilderment on top of that. There is an inability to understand why people are upset. The detachment means the gap between self image and public perception never fully computes.
Aries Sun will rage. Gemini Moon will rationalize. Mars in Aquarius will go cold. All three at once is a very specific kind of defensive spiral that creates serious emotional imbalance.

What’s on his mind as he sits in jail

Here is where it gets truly specific to this chart.
Aries Sun in the 10th house in jail is not experiencing obscurity. It is experiencing the most intense public attention of its life. And some part of that placement knows it.
The case is still being covered. His name is still being searched. Streams did not disappear. The algorithm did not forget him. In a deeply disturbing way this chart is getting exactly what it was always built to chase. Relevance. Eyes. People talking. He does not care what is being said as long as he is being discussed.
A lot of people have been comparing the prosecutor’s timeline against what he was doing online on certain days he was allegedly doing far more horrific things. The comments are full of people calling him a monster, unable to understand how cold he seems. How unaffected. How the Discord messages lined up against stream schedules and public appearances did not appear to register on his face or in his behavior the way anyone expected. People keep searching for the crack in the composure and not finding it.
This reads less as psychopathy and more as the deeply narcissistic architecture that is undeniably indicated across multiple placements in this chart.
Gemini Moon does not distinguish between good attention and bad attention. Attention is attention. The emotional processing system does not have that filter. The compartmentalization means the person who did what prosecutors are describing and the person performing for an audience are not the same person to him. They never were. They live in completely separate boxes that do not communicate with each other. He is not suppressing guilt. He is genuinely operating from a different compartment entirely. The switch flips and the other one simply does not exist in that moment.
He can dismiss accountability and genuinely believe that whatever happened during that other performance is not who he is right now. So he will be more confused as to why he is being assigned blame for something another version of him was alleged to have done. It sounds impossible. But that is exactly how this chart translates.
Mars in Aquarius is what makes that coldness possible at the execution level. This placement does not feel its way through actions. It moves, calculates, detaches. And when consequences arrive it genuinely struggles to connect them back to anything it recognizes as itself. The bewilderment is real. It is not performance.
Now add the Aries Sun in the 10th and understand what jail actually looks like for him right now. Has it hit him yet? Has being deprived of his one outlet forced him to sit with himself as a single entity and connect it all back? The performance should not need to continue without an audience. But in his mind he is still sailing. The world is still watching. The numbers are still moving. Every article, every thread, every video made about this case is feeding the exact placement that was always hungry for that. In his mind this is not a courtroom. This is a stage. The audience is bigger than it has ever been. The name recognition is global now in a way a five year indie career was never going to achieve.
Nothing about the crime he is accused of is taking up space in his mind right now. That compartment is closed. It may stay that way. What is open is the one that tracks relevance, attention, and reach. And by every metric that compartment recognizes, he is winning.

But There Was A Girl

This chart does not outwardly describe a crime. But it describes the architecture of a person who was capable of one. The placements were there from birth. The environment removed every guardrail that might have interrupted them. The internet rewarded every tendency that should have been checked. The fame amplified every hunger that should have been starved.
And in the middle of all of it there was a young girl who is no longer here.
A girl who was naturally slow to trust and who read consistency from another person over time as loyalty. His rise to fame gave her an avenue to finally access the life she had already been dreaming about. She was a child, and the things that come with being a child felt like they were holding her back, so she jumped in headfirst believing the version he presented to her would be there to catch her. She let her guard down. She opened herself up. She trusted him.
The moment she stopped resisting, he became bored. And once she saw him up close, rotating between identities in real time, she understood how mistaken she had been. That push and pull, come here go away energy. But every time she pulled back, the version of him that had originally made her feel safe would reappear, reinforcing just enough hope to keep her holding on. She excused the inconsistencies. She told herself he was just adjusting to fame. She had no way of knowing how deep it actually went.
She was not naive. She was not troubled. She was a child up against someone who had spent years perfecting how to be exactly who any given person needed him to be.
The day she threatened to expose him was her breaking point. She was angry and hurt, and she did not even fully intend to follow through. Once she calmed down, she apologized. And even if the version of him he sent to pacify her acted like it was forgotten, he never forgot. He never forgot.
That is the most chilling thing this chart has to say. Not what it reveals about him. But what it could not protect her from.
Nothing about this outcome is random. The map was there the whole time. We just did not know we needed to read it.

I want to begin this article by asking you, as a parent, to take a moment and think back to when you were around four or five. How did your parents or guardians teach you about safety when it came to people you didn’t know?

Did they use that one phrase… “stranger danger”?

The first time I heard it, I remember being on edge for a while. Every corner, every street, I was scanning, waiting for this person I had been warned about. But after not running into anyone who fit that image, it stopped feeling real.

At first, it works. It’s simple. Easy to remember. It teaches kids not to overshare with random people, which matters. But when that “stranger” never shows up, it starts to feel like something made up. A scare tactic meant for little kids, not something that actually exists in their world.
Fast forward to 2026. Kids are watching jump scare videos for fun.
So what actually makes them feel like there’s danger to prepare for?

As a parent, a lot of how you move comes from what you’ve lived through. Not what you were told. What you actually saw. What you experienced. What happened close enough to you that it rewired how you think without you even realizing it.
It shapes what you watch out for. What you question. What you go out of your way to handle before it even has a chance to unfold.
And most of that wasn’t something you sat down and decided on.
It showed up unexpectedly.
When you were a teenager, you probably were in that weird in between space, too. Not a kid anymore, but not fully equipped to move like an adult. Feeling misunderstood and frustrated because nobody was actually taking the time to hear you or even care about what you cared about.
I know I did, at least.

My grandmother used to say I was “too big for my britches.” Basically, I’m getting ahead of myself. She had a saying for everything. “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.”
Didn’t always make sense to me at that moment, but later on in life, I found myself repeating some of the same phrases to my own kids.
I was an only child, so my world was small. But it felt complete. I didn’t have friends outside of my cul de sac until middle school. And even then, my two closest friends lived one street over to the left and right from me.
It was that kind of childhood.
Safe and predictable. It’s almost unreal as I’m  looking back.
I did have a neighbor, two sisters that I played with most of the time. They were safe choices that I didn’t need to bother my grandmother to go outside and play with. They were a little weird but oddly entertaining.  It took some getting used to, but they were fun either way.  We would transform our cul de sac into a roller rink and other days we’d sneak back to the creek behind the houses like we were on full-blown wildlife expeditions hunting for salamanders to take home and then let go. No matter where the adventure took us, we knew when the streetlights starter humming, and once they got to their medium brightness and a louder buzz began, that was it. Time to go home.
Looking back, it felt insulated. Like our little court had a barrier around it, and nothing else existed.
But I wasn’t completely sheltered and closed off in the way people assume when I talk about it to other people.
Fear tactics weren’t the thing that kept me close to home.
It was responsibility.
My grandmother had chronic health issues. She needed a lot of rest, even if she refused to admit it. She wasn’t the type to ask for help, so I had to learn how to read her without her saying anything.
Her patterns. Her energy. The small signs that told me she was pushing too hard.
There were no chore charts. No expectations were laid out.
I just stepped in where I knew I should.
Helping with the house, saving her a trip, and getting my cousins off the bus. letting her sleep past 4 pm and make my cousins their after-school snacks so she didn’t have to. Offering them help with homework if they had any.
All of it came from observation, not instruction.
And because of that, I made sure to be available for it.
In spite of wanting more of a social life after I was in middle school,  I also never wanted to become an inconvenience my grandmother by asking for rides or adding more to her plate. So when opportunities came up that could give me a chance to step out of my little bubble, I’d politely decline. Not because I was restricted to have that luxury. It was only because I chose to because I cared more about my grandmas wellbeing than a superficial bond with people that I wouldn’t talk to in a year.
I knew eventually I’d have many years to experience more of the world. But at that point, my curiosity was still innocent, and I also think my social anxiety played a part, too.  I also couldn’t really relate to most kids my age.  I was just bored at school.  At home, I could always find something to do.  Even if half those things I was doing were what middle-aged housewives were doing daily. I still had time to create something new.

Painting, Crafts, Writing, Designing outfits for a pair of illustrated girls I drew on the program paintbrush. I found something to do daily.  But school was a roadblock for me.

But when it came to knowing about things to be cautious of, I thought of real danger wasn’t something I believed to be real
Because I hadn’t seen it.

I didn’t know what to look for either.
The only time I ever remember experiencing something fearful was when I got separated from my family at Disney World. I was maybe five or six.
One of those moments where every adult assumes someone else has you, and suddenly you’re alone in a crowd.
I remember a woman dressed as Snow White walking up to me, asking if I was lost. I asked for my mom’s name so they could page her.
And I froze.
Because I didn’t know her name.
She was just “mom” to me.
They wanted me to go with them to guest services. But something in me hesitated. I didn’t want to leave that area. I felt like if I stayed close to where we had just been, they would come back for me.
So I walked myself back to the restaurant we had just eaten at.
And I waited for what seemed like forever.  In reality, it was only like 25 minutes.

But I was right.
They came right back to where we just ate lunch.
That moment stuck with me.

If I didn’t have a natural gift of being able to think clearly under stress, I wouldn’t have thought to go back there. I would have followed Snow White because she was an adult who worked there.
I also remembered this scare later on in life, when I became a parent.

I knew the importance of making sure they knew all our info.  So before my kids ever stepped onto a school bus, they knew my full name. Not just “mom.” They knew our address. They knew how to identify themselves and me if they ever needed to.
Because that experience never left me.
Over time, I learned to trust my ability to read people. How to read a room. How to feel when something is off before anything even happens.
That instinct has been there since I was young.
And now, knowing what I know as an adult, and what has come to light about Disney World, how it was portrayed to be one of the safest places a child could go?

It’s extremely unsettling.
What if I did follow her just because she looked safe?
Because she was dressed to appear as familiar person?
That line is thinner than people want to admit.
And a lot of safety comes down to awareness.
So, how do you teach your kids that level of awareness, in a completely different world, without them having to experience something first?

Nowadays, teenagers don’t hear you the way you think they do.
The moment you finish your sentence, they dismiss it. Not because they’re being rude or disrespectful. It’s really not personal. They are just so desperate for someone to understand them and not treat them like a little kid.  They are so blinded by that desire that they somehow think they already understand.

But they didn’t really listen to what you said. All they heard was your tone.

That they do know. 
They hear only the control, not the actual message.
They assume you are being dramatic.
They think you have some advanced agenda to overly complicate their lives and get in the way of their very poorly arranged plans with friends that have no agenda. They assume you assume its all based on situations that “don’t even happen.”
But you’re not reacting to what they see.

You already know their lens.
You’re reacting to what they don’t see.

Back in the 90s, you were aware that the rulebook was different.
Now that same chapter isn’t even a chapter anymore.
It’s a completely separate book.
And it’s digital.
So now you’re trying to prepare them for something you didn’t grow up navigating yourself.
At the same time, you’re raising individuals.
There is no one size fits all.
Every single one of my kids requires a different approach. Different personality. Different instincts. Different ways of understanding the world.
And I knew walking into this, I couldn’t just sit them down and say, “Hey, I’m preparing you for worst-case scenarios.”
They’d roll their eyes before I even finished the sentence.
So I had to get creative.
I had to find ways to build awareness without announcing it.
Ways to simulate real-life thinking without making it obvious.
Because it’s hard to teach someone how to respond to something they’ve never experienced.
But if you introduce it the right way, consistently, it becomes instinct.
That was the goal.
And I knew it wouldn’t be simple.
Three kids mean three different systems.
But that was the only way it would actually work.
This wasn’t my first time figuring something like that out either.

In fact, I guess you could say I specialized in this type of thing.
By 19, I was licensed through my state as a behavior therapist. Working with children who couldn’t communicate the way others could. Kids who expressed frustration through behavior because they didn’t have the tools to say what they needed.
That experience changed everything for me.

I walked into it just looking at it as a job.

I walked away from it feeling like I contributed towards something and made someone else’s life better because of my dedication.

Not to mention, my mind changed about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  I knew that I felt useful in pretty much any role I ever took on, but none of them were fulfilling.  Making a difference in a child’s life made my job feel rewarding.  Getting paid to feel good about making someone else feel good changed my whole perspective on just setting for a job that I wasn’t living to my full potential.

It made me see that I didn’t know everything and with learning something new, look what it revealed about things I didn’t ever think would be something to interest me.

I was so small minded in the sense of not seeing outside of what I thought I wanted.  And the roads that led me there, were no coincidence. 

The things that I learned there,  I still continued.  Way later with my own children. It’s shaped them into being decent children. 

Not that they don’t have their moments because they do.

But time, attention, a simple adjusting of approach, and a prior knowledge of behavior and where it stems from helped me guide them through the rough spots. 

It also made me more equipped to deal with the schools and advocating for my children in   a way that didn’t look like I was making excuses but respectfully communicating to them the miscommunication in a way that doesnt isolate him in these classrooms where hes misunderstood.

Behavior is communication.
So, instead of reacting to the behavior, you find the root.
And you adjust your approach to the individual.
I brought that into my home.

When they were little, for example, instead of shutting them down, I redirected any negative behavior before it got to built up.
Instead of “no, dont touch that,” I’d say “my turn.”
Instead of reacting to a meltdown, sometimes I’d jump in and shift their focus.
And when that doesn’t work, Id guide them to communicate to me to get through it.
“I don’t understand crying. Use your words so I can help you.”
Because most of the time, the frustration comes from not knowing how to express what they need.
That applies way beyond toddlers.  The tantrum days are over but it’s so unconscious to me that I still use it when dealing with each of them without even realizing it.

In matters of safety and preparing for the unexpected,  I knew ahead of time that I didn’t want to lead the conversation with fear.
Because if I did, everything after that would be rooted in fear.
And fear doesn’t teach awareness.
It teaches avoidance.
So, instead, I focused on sharpening their ability to recognize patterns.
To pause.
To think.
To trust when something feels off.
Because that’s what actually protects them.
Not memorized rules or empty, outdated phrases.
Awareness and Pattern Recognition.

This balance isn’t easy to achieve. 
You can lean too far into control and stunt their growth.
Or you can give too much freedom and leave them to make mistakes that you can’t undo because they are out of your grasp.
And if you’re not paying attention consistently, you’ll do one or the other without even realizing it overnight.
I believe that our children are the most important job we will ever have.
And our job isn’t just to put a roof over their head, feed them and clothe them.

We are responsible to  protect them.

To shape them
To prepare them for scary things.
To raise people who can think, assess, and move through the world without us standing right next to them.
There’s no single formula for that.

You don’t have to scare them to prepare them either. 
And you don’t have forever to figure it out.
Because the whole thimg with preparing for the unexpected is not expecting it. 

If you teach them all the above, if and when it  shows up, whether you were ready or not,
they’re going to have the ability to handle it.

Even if it’s not something they have done, or any of us have done,  before.

You don’t need a whole new system implemented with a doomsday clock on the wall hung to be intimidating. You don’t need really any kind of survival prep included in the first portion of getting your children emotionally ready to handle things of this nature.  In fact, i wouldnt even mention it when you are focusing on the emotional portion of these preparations.

Most of what actually builds resilience, awareness, and decision-making is already happening inside your home. It’s in the way you respond to them, the space you give them, the conversations you allow, and the moments you don’t rush to save them, or take control.  the difference is being intentional with it. Taking what you’re already doing and using it to build something deeper.
This is where it all becomes practical. These aren’t extreme measures or unrealistic expectations. These are everyday interactions that, when done with purpose, start conditioning your kids from the inside out. They don’t feel like lessons, and they don’t come off as forced. But over time, they build kids who can think, adapt, stay grounded, and handle situations without falling apart when you’re not right there.

Over time, these are the things that have helped me close the gap between me and my kids… and they’ve made a huge difference in how we handle things collectively as a family since I intensified their necessity.

1. Letting Them Make Small Mistakes

Letting your kids make small mistakes is one of the hardest things to sit through, especially when you can see the outcome before it even happens. Every instinct in you wants to step in early, fix it, or redirect it so it doesn’t go left. But when you do that every time, what they actually learn is that you will always catch it before it falls. When you step back just enough to let them feel a missed step, a bad call, or a small consequence, you’re giving them something way more valuable than comfort… you’re giving them experience.
Those small moments are where emotional control gets built. They learn how it feels when something doesn’t go their way, and more importantly, how to recover from it. Instead of panicking, blaming, or shutting down, they start thinking. What happened. What did I miss. What do I do next time. That ability to recover is what carries into real-life situations where you won’t be there to soften it.

2. Giving Structured Choices Instead of Commands

When everything sounds like an order, kids stop hearing you. Or they hear you, but they resist it just to feel like they still have control over themselves. Giving structured choices changes that dynamic completely. You’re still guiding the outcome, but now they have ownership in the decision. “You can either go out to eat with your friend tonight or he can come over tomorrow, during the day, and hang out.” They originally wanted to go out to eat, have their friend come back and stay the night.  But food is expensive.   My boys are growing and eating a lot.  This friend is half their size, and yet, eats more than they both do, combined. I have to prepare before he comes, or I will be camping out in the kitchen and scrolling through amazon for a fridge lock in the time in between.  It’s not that I dont like the kid. I just need more than a few hours notice.  Because I have regular life demands going on that can’t be interrupted to prepare for a sleepover and a few hundred dollar grocery trip to ensure my pantry isn’t raided after i head to bed. That shift alone makes them feel like they had a choice, and they weren’t just shut down.  I gave them freedom and the possibility of a friend coming over but with perimeters in place so it doesn’t overstep into inconvenience for everyone else. 
Over time, this builds decision-making under pressure. They get used to evaluating options, even if the choices are small at first. And when something bigger comes along, that pause is already built in. Instead of freezing or acting impulsively, they’re more likely to assess what’s in front of them and choose a direction. That’s a skill they’ll use long after they’re out of your house.

3. Listening First Instead of Correcting Immediately

It takes real restraint to listen when you already know they’re wrong, missing something, or about to take something the wrong way. But if every conversation turns into correction, they eventually stop opening up. They start filtering what they say or keeping things to themselves entirely. And that’s when you lose insight into what’s actually going on in their world.
When you listen first, you create space for them to think out loud. Even if it’s incomplete or off, you’re allowing them to process in real time. Then later, when you circle back and connect the dots using their own words, it lands differently. It doesn’t feel forced. It feels like understanding. And kids who feel understood are far more likely to speak up in situations where it actually matters.

4. Teaching Pattern Recognition Instead of Fear

This is a major one.
Telling kids “don’t do this” or “stay away from that” only works in predictable situations. Real life isn’t always that clear. Most unsafe situations aren’t previously predicted to happen. They might feel off before they actually look wrong.
That’s why teaching patterns matters more than teaching rules.
When you teach them to notice changes in behavior, urgency, tone, or environment, you’re training their instincts. They start picking up on things that don’t sit right, even if they can’t fully explain why. That awareness becomes their first line of defense.
Not fear or panic.
Just a gut feeling that something isn’t right… and they need to move differently.
This isn’t something you can teach sitting inside talking about “what ifs.”
It has to be practiced.
I will give you an example. 

One night, I had a urgent reason to go to the store after 11pm.  I unfortunately,  couldnt move my car but the store was in walking distance. Ive done it a dozen times just not with any kids in tow.  I thought it could be a good opportunity to expose my son to how much different it is at night walking to the store vs during the day.  The first thing I had him do was put his phone in his pocket so there were no distractions. I wanted to walk him through my process, what to do and how to, because its super important to know how different it is at night it is just simply walking to the convenient store not even a mile away. I wanted him to do a scan and notice what was all around us. People on foot. The cars going by and the frequency in which they passed. I wanted him to recognize reckless drivers who probably were drunk driving home from a downtown bar given the time of night and although they werent speeding, they were unpredictable in how they would travel down the road because they were impaired.  He recognized alot of the main things I wanted him to.  The things he missed I aided him in discovering himself so he didn’t feel like he missed recognizing them.
And after he was feeling good about himself i asked him if he wanted me to teach him some new skills.
I explained how to gauge someone’s distance just by the sound of their footsteps and we got a few passerby to try it out on.
I also showed him the sidewalk etiquette rule about crossing the street to the opposite side if someone is walking towards you. 

I showed him how to notice when someone’s pace changes or starts matching yours and stayed back a few seconds and let him go ahead so he could see firsthand.
I told him about how you can use the same rules aa when you drive a car by pay attention to a persons rate of travel to get an idea of their intent … are they just traveling behind and past you to get to their destination or do they seem anxious or nervous, with theit steps uneven and inconsistent as if they are lingering.
Because distance is very important.  Especially at night.
If you wait until someone is too close to decide,  you’ve already lost your advantage.
I showed him several ways that night of how to think ahead.
Trusting your gut feeling because something feels off, is always a good reason to cross the street early. Who cares if it’s a false alarm.  Atleast you acted on your intuition.
You don’t get the advantage if you are forced to react.
Position yourself, no matter how far away other peoole are. You never want to be boxed in.
Stay in open areas on lit streets.

Know more than one route there and back, so if you have to go off route you know another way back home.

This was a few years ago but I remember it as if it were yesterday.  I knew this would be a perfect little exercise tailored just for him.  It wouldn’t have been effective if I brought voth my sons.  My older son wouldn’t have been receptive either because he already would act like he knows it all.  I knew this was right, for my younger son. Hopefully he remembers it as much as I still do today.

I wasn’t teaching him that to make him paranoid or scared.
I was teaching him how to increase a natural awareness that he already possesses once things are altering the normal conditions he’s become known to expect during the daytime.
And this goes beyond just walking at night.
It’s all the time.
Strangers aren’t always obvious.
It’s not always the person who “looks” sketchy or is acting odd or suspicious.
Sometimes it’s being caught off guard by
someone randomly approaching you and  asking you for your help.

No adult in their right mind would approach someone elses child requesting help from them. Anyone in their right mind wouldn’t do that.  It’s one of those unspoken rules between adults. 
I tried to pack in as many useful lessons on our way there and back with only the two of us because it’s rare that it’s just the two of us.
Because the goal isn’t to teach them what to do when something happens.
It’s to teach them how to recognize it before it does to avoid it entirely or at least soften it’s landing.
Because one day…
you won’t be there to point it out.
And in that moment, they won’t have time to figure it out from scratch.
They’ll rely on what’s already built within them.
You don’t want to raise kids who are scared of the world.
You’re raising kids who can read it.
And that’s what actually keeps them safe.

5. Practicing Awareness in Real Environments

You can’t teach awareness sitting in a living room talking about it. Number Four is a prime example of practicing awareness. These things are absolutely necessary.   Our biggest hindrance and object of distraction is our phones.  Pair it with airpods or headphones, and you are decreasing your awareness by two. You can’t hear what’s walking up behind or two the side of you, and you aren’t paying attention to any of your surroundings when you are looking down at a screen. It’s not just my kids, either.  It’s all kids lately.  Next time you see a group of high school or middle school kids getting off a bus, more than half of them will have their phone on hand or airpods in their ear.  Walking outside without distractions, noticing sounds, watching movement, reading people… those are real skills that only develop when they’re actually used. When you take the time to walk through that with them, you’re showing them how to stay present in their surroundings.
This builds focus in a world that constantly pulls their attention away. It teaches them to scan, to listen, to observe without being obvious. Over time, it becomes automatic. They don’t have to think about being aware… they just are. That’s what prepares them for situations that shift quickly.

6. Stepping Back Instead of Saving Immediately

There’s a difference between protecting your kids and preventing them from ever feeling anything uncomfortable. When you step in too quickly, you remove the moment where they would have had to figure something out. And while it feels like you’re helping, you’re actually delaying their ability to handle things on their own.
Stepping back doesn’t mean you’re not paying attention. It means you’re giving them space to try, to think, and to respond before you step in. You’re still there if it goes too far, but you’re not the automatic solution. Over time, they stop looking for you to fix everything and start looking at themselves to figure it out.

7. Assigning Real Responsibility

Kids know the difference between busy work and something that actually matters. When you give them real responsibility, something that affects other people or the household, it shifts how they show up. They start to understand that their actions have weight, that people are relying on them to follow through.
That builds accountability in a way lectures never will. It teaches them to think ahead, to manage time, and to consider outcomes beyond themselves. And when they carry that into real life, they’re not overwhelmed by responsibility… they’re already familiar with it.

8. Involving Them in Everyday Decisions

When kids are included in decisions that affect everyone, even small ones, they start to see the bigger picture. It’s not just about what they want in the moment. It’s about balance, compromise, and understanding how choices impact other people.
That builds awareness beyond themselves. They learn to think about consequences in a broader way, not just immediate gratification. And that mindset carries into real situations where decisions aren’t just about them, but about the people around them too.

9. Using Food as a Connection Tool

Food becomes more than just something you make to provide sustenance.  It becomes a way you connect. Taking their requests, cooking what they love, and involving them in the process, it creates a space where they feel seen without needing a heavy conversation. It’s a quiet form of care that doesn’t overwhelm them, especially in moments when they’re still adjusting.
That consistency builds emotional security. They know they matter. They know they’re thought about even when they’re not there. And that kind of grounding makes a difference in how they move through the world. Kids who feel secure don’t react out of EMPTINESS because  they end up moving  from a place of stability.

10. Creating One-on-One Time

Group settings rarely bring out real conversations. It’s in those one-on-one moments, in the car, on a quick run, sitting next to each other without distractions, where things start to come out. That’s where they say what’s actually on their mind.
Those moments build trust. They know they have space with you that isn’t shared, where they can speak freely without being judged or interrupted. And when that trust is built, they’re more likely to come to you when something real is happening, not just when it’s easy.

11. Saying “I Love You” Out Loud and Often

Love shouldn’t be something they have to assume. Saying it out loud, consistently, especially on hard days, creates a foundation they carry with them. It removes the question of where they stand with you, even when they’re being corrected or going through something.
That emotional security shows up in how they handle pressure. Kids who feel grounded in love don’t crumble the same way. They’re not searching for validation in the wrong places because they already know where they’re rooted.

12. Studying Their Strengths and Supporting Them

Every kid has something that comes naturally to them, but if nobody points it out or builds around it, it goes unnoticed. Paying attention to what they gravitate toward and supporting it gives them a sense of identity.
When they know what they’re good at, they move differently. They make decisions with more confidence because they understand themselves. And that self-awareness becomes a guide when they’re faced with uncertainty.

13. Encouraging Sibling Bonds

Siblings can either become each other’s support system or each other’s biggest source of tension. That direction isn’t accidental. It’s shaped over time. Creating moments where they rely on each other, work together, and respect each other builds something that lasts beyond your involvement.
Because one day, they won’t have you in the middle of everything. But they might only have each other. And that bond becomes a safety net in ways you can’t always provide.

14. Modeling Emotional Regulation Yourself

Kids don’t just listen to what you say. They watch how you respond. How you handle stress, how you adjust to change, how you react when things don’t go your way… all of that becomes their blueprint for how they respond to life.
If you stay grounded, they learn grounded. If you overreact, they mirror that, too. Emotional regulation isn’t something you can just teach with words. It has to be shown. Over time, they pick it up without even realizing it.

15. Adjusting Your Approach Based on Age and Awareness

What works for a teenager won’t work for a five-year-old. And trying to apply the same approach across the board creates confusion. Younger kids need closer guidance, simpler explanations, and more protection. Older kids need space, responsibility, and real-life exposure.
Understanding where they are developmentally allows you to meet them where they are, not where you expect them to be. And that’s what makes everything else actually stick.

That sums up the list that is essential in preparing you children to handle things in life that might nor be expected but are still navigable because they’ve been taught to handle things in other areas of life so it’s already ingrained in how they move.

None of these things are difficult to do.  Many of these you probably do some of these already in your home now.

I know that a child who can stay calm, thinks clearly, can read & make decisions, can ultimately recover when things don’t go as planned. It means that they are already equipped with several tools that can benefit them throughout their entire life.
You’re not preparing them for one specific situation anymore.

You’re preparing them for whatever comes their way.

This is the first step in the process of preparing your children for the unexpected.  None of what I mentioned contains any “disaster prep” terminology or things that hint that it’s the direction, just as I said in the beginning.  Again, I did that intentionally. 

This phase is part one.  The foundation is where work needs to be done first.  The infrastructure before cranking up intensity.

If your child isn’t emotionally in tact, they will crumble under pressure. If there is a breach in communication, then conflict and miscommunication will arise.

You need them to be ready if one day, the moment comes. But the first step is to repair or build onto the areas where there are cracks that need mending before expecting them to put on their gear to prepare to fight. 

Theres probably not going to be day that comes where you are going to run up to any of your kids and say, “Alright, the time has come. We gotta start prepping for a full emergency situation,” and hand them tools, and expect them to just jump.

They will think you are “trolling” them.
In my home, I can tell you now what each would do.

My younger son will would roll his eyes.
The older one will walk out the room.

My baby girl would be putting on her rainboots while still in her nightgown and be standing at the door, arm full of plushies, yelling to the other side of the house for me to make her a drink to go.

Each of their responses are different, which further proves the need for three separate plans for each child.  My daughter takes everything I say and acts on it without hesitation. My older ones will just assume that I  saw something online and started tripping for a minute.
And honestly, I don’t blame them.
You can’t jump straight to that and expect them to react blindly.

But what this list does is provide you with a starting point..
How you can start before that moment ever comes.
How you can help them build other skills that won’t sit unused. Ones that will be beneficial later.
The way you eliminate misunderstandings. 
The way you value their opinion and rely on their input  to make important decisions.The way you talk to them.
The way you listen.
The way you love them.
All of those small, everyday things that aren’t too difficult to do.

They’re not small to them because ultimately
They’re building something underneath everything else.
So if a moment does come in the future,
the chances of them being ready to stand behind you will be a lot greater then you think.
And even if its new territory,  they will be able to predict your moves and be essential in  whatever steps you need to take to properly protect your home.

You’re not forcing something unfamiliar on them.
You’re building on something that’s already there.
That gap between “they’re not ready” and “they can handle it”?
It doesn’t feel so wide anymore.
Because you didn’t lead this process of preparing them with fear.
You started from the inside and worked your way out.
And that’s what actually prepares them.

For anything.

A Moms Response to a Merch Gap

When I say I haven’t shopped for dolls in a while, I mean a long while. My oldest daughter turned 21 this year, which should give you an idea of how many years it’s been since I last stood in a doll aisle with any real purpose.

So, walking into the toy section now feels like stepping into a completely different world with a number of new brands, price tags, new  expectations, and a lot of familiar relaunches that provided a little nostalgia. What I didn’t find was the one thing I was sure would be there, to the point that I never thought to check ahead of time.

That brings me to the point.

I’m talking about the hottest Netflix movie trending right now. It’s been sitting at the top for months, the music is everywhere, and even my teenage boys knew exactly what it was thanks to TikTok. The characters are instantly recognizable. Kids are obsessed. Honestly, even as an adult, I can admit it’s a genuinely cute movie.

Khaleesi loves it. She loves to sing along. She loves the characters. She’s typically an animal lover at heart, but anything with expressive personalities and emotional storytelling hooks her immediately.

So it didn’t seem unreasonable to assume there would be toys on the shelves at the big-name stores.

There weren’t.

Outside of Etsy, eBay, and a handful of private vendors who saw an opportunity and moved quickly, there was essentially nothing. Even then, shipping times were about a month out, and that was only if you were willing to pay a substantial amount for a number of listings that felt sketchy at best. Many had no real reviews or reviews that looked suspiciously manufactured to reassure buyers.

There were many with AI-generated photos, typically linked to the TikTok Shops, that showed exactly the kind of doll any kid would love to open on Christmas morning. What actually arrived, according to frustrated reviewers, was something barely larger than the plastic army men sold in netted bags at the Dollar Tree. Other versions I ran across were Barbie-adjacent replicas with dollar-store-level quality and nothing truly distinctive beyond trademark hair colors and identifying accessories to signal who they were supposed to be.

Needless to say, it wasn’t something my daughter gave up on. She asked daily.

So, I started looking for an alternative.

Researching the Perfect Possibility

For about a week, I compared dolls across brands. I looked at durability. Face and eye shapes.  Hair quality, texture & length.  Clothing construction. I needed to determine the most cost effective approach with this project and trying to figure out where I could get the majority of my boxes checked for the cheapest price.  The asthethic overall needee to lean farthest away from the “cheap novelty” look and more towards or the “glamour” and “luxe” kpop characters that they needed to be.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with my lil mini me. 

Mini me, in terms of attitude, pet peeves, and OCD only. 

She of course looks more like dad.

I found myself going back and forth between Bratz and Rainbow High.

Bratz had the nostalgia, the attitude, and the strong fashion identity I was drawn to right away. The cat-eye shape alone felt closer to my original vision. But once I started pricing out the hair colors I needed, things unraveled fast. There was nothing new that aligned with what I had in mind. The few pink and purple options available were considered vintage, and suddenly I was looking at paying far more than I wanted just to get a somewhat close shade of purple, bright pink, or blackish blue, all of which were non-negotiable colors for this project.

I made multiple carts across different sites, compared prices in groups of three, and quickly realized the vintage route added up entirely too fast. And I admit, what I was doing WAS a risky venture of turning non-licensed dolls into custom characters. Either way, it didn’t make sense to invest that much up front. Especially when some of those prices for the dolls that had the main features  were all, well, essentially naked and without the feet attached.

Then there was the real pressure.

I knew I had the biggest critic in the house to impress. I couldn’t fall short because if I did, she’d let me know in the nicest way possible. She’s not ungrateful at all. She’s just high maintenance. And yes, that’s probably my fault, because I’m the same way.

I wanted this to be something she’d genuinely love, but also something that could survive real play. She’s an imaginative player, a toy extraordinaire before a device-hungry kid. That meant durability mattered just as much as aesthetics. It had to handle play and still look good.

That’s when the Rainbow High Dolls, a brand I wasn’t familiar with before this venture,  completely took me by surprise.

These dolls had ACTUAL eyelashes! That alone impressed me. They dolls weren’t cat-eyed like I initially was making an important feature, but the lashes gave them an accelerated and extintuated accent that was expressive and still was doable with the animated look that naturally bridged the realism and animation together.  They didn’t need to be almond shaped to make it work.   Add in the Y2K aesthetic, they already have with the cropped jackets, bold textures, layered fashion and suddenly these dolls looked like they belonged in the same visual universe as the movie without me having to force it.

They felt durable. Thoughtfully made. Intentional.

That’s what sold me.

And I almost forgot the biggest incentive…

Duh, the price point.

Oh, and I can’t forget the color options.

I guess that’s to be expected when the word rainbow is literally in the name.

The eBay Gamble That Paid Off

A Local Toy Store Win

While killing time during my two teen sons’ barber shop appointments this weekend in our city’s Old Town area, we stopped into a local specialty store.

Kerbobble Toys.

Shout out @kerbobbletoys

And honestly? It was a breath of fresh air.

The store was spotless.

Extremely organized.

All genres of toys separated neatly by room and neatly organized inside each of the little areas.

Although I said “little” it isnt little like a cramped room.

Id refer to it more like little niche nooks. .

The store is filled with a range of novelty, niche, nostalgic, and collector toys.

The kind of place where you can tell the owners care.

And they do. 

I’ve never had a bad experience with anyone who worked there, and I know how retail can make people unfriendly over time.

Nothing chaotic.

Nothing overpriced just because it’s “specialty.”

There was no expectation when I went there because we were literally just killing time.

That was when I found it.

The Rainbow High Brand fold-out wardrobe armoire…

I only just recently knew it existed, and I didn’t pause to look at the specs once I saw it on Amazon for $119.

It was there on their shelf, flawless with no cosmetic damage, for only $29.

It wasn’t the armoire itself that stopped me so much as what was inside. The clothes. The final piece of the puzzle. I already knew I’d need to mix and match, maybe even grab a budget lot of doll outfits on Amazon just to get a few pieces in the same style to finish the look. But this wasn’t something I could just overlook.

Inside it also was ATLEAST ten to 20 outfits and shoes.

I couldn’t say it was a “need,” but I classified it as important because I was intent on finishing this for her.

So, I didn’t hesitate any longer and just bought it.

All in, I spent under $100 for…

•Three Rainbow High dolls
•A fold-out travel case / wardrobe
•Several outfits

This was all done specifically for a movie with barely any quality toys available. (Liscensing can get me reported)(Iykyk)
That’s why I steppedoutsidemy comfort zone and blogged about my exploits because,  it was, impressive, when it was all said and done.  

Also, maybe it can come across another person who was in a similar situation and inspire them to do a similar route after reading my process.

The Transformation

(Without Overcomplicating It)

This wasn’t about screen-perfect replicas. It was about capturing the vibe.

I focused mainly on the details. 

The identifying accents with each doll.

Hair styling that matched personality.

Outfits that felt performance-ready and didn’t have to be identical to one another to still look authentic

Accessories that didn’t interfere with actual play


The eyelashes and Y2K fashion details did a lot of the heavy lifting. Combined with the articulation and quality materials, the dolls felt intentional and not forced.

Thankfully, I knew a little about hair.  Cutting bangs to the shorter style of that whole K-pop bob with the super short bangs trademark style, was simple enough. The braiding of the purple-haired doll, I can admit, was a little challenging with such a tiny head to keep still, a different texture hair that also was in an unnatural pattern/thickness that made keeping it sleek and in place a little more difficult to accomplish.

But, overall, it wasn’t too difficult to get them to compare to the actual trio with just those minimal alterations.

AI Generated Photo for now Because the last accent, their similar wardrobe, hasnt been delivered yet for the Final Finished Product yet. I wanted the dramatic effect with their “Golden” Debut Attire for a Visual as you read.

The Part I Didn’t Plan

Here’s the part I couldn’t curate even if I wanted to.

For context, just know my daughter is up my butt. Constantly. Except when she’s asleep and honestly, during that time, so am I. There was never going to be some perfectly secret craft moment where it was possible that I could have disappeared to have this remain a secret and emerge with a magical Christmas surprise she was completely caught by suprise by. 

Yes, this project was initially intended for Christmas.

But both of us couldn’t wait.

I can admit I am a sucker and can’t contain myself with giving them gifts ahead.  Not just her, EVERY ONE OF MY CHILDREN.

Anyway, once the dolls were done, I allowed her to jump straight in. Yesterday was the day and all day, we watched the movie back-to-back for about five hours straight hours and then once more in the evening. 

Then she navigated over to the sing-along they now have on Netflix. She had me  rewind the favorite scenes and pause to get all her characters in place to reenact the scenes they were performing songs

She impressed me when she grabbed her Ty Beanie Babies, rabbits in different colors, and immediately cast them as the demons. She articulated the dance moves as it was a previously choreographed performance as she mouthed the words herself while she enacted the whole thing.

This isnt out of the ordinary for her and that, I knew ahead of time and looked forward to that moment.

If that ends up being my only gift this year at Christmas then I will be satisfied.

So, while I failed at achieving the desired calendar date I can say that i saved on the  wrapping paper, at least too.

The shared time, music, imagination, and a kid fully inside her joy.

And time wrapping. 

Christmas can wait. I don’t know how long I will have this version of her.  She might lose interest in toys once she starts school like my other two did.  These Memories will not be forgotten and when years pass and Im going through toys,  Ill run across these, and reminese to this whole process and relive it a little bit, hopefully. 

Final Word

Jumping back from the sentimental stuff, I wanted to add this to the end so it doesn’t make it seem as if I am insulting the creators because I am not. I know that many times you’ll find that licensed  toys are often rushed when demand spikes and corners do get cut as a result.  The materials also get cheaper, and designs also get simplified.

So, the fact that wasn’t done tells me that whatever toy they do release is going to be one that we will most certainly be buying down the road.

This wasn’t about criticizing a movie or calling out a brand.

It was about noticing a gap and filling it with care.

Sometimes, the best toys aren’t the ones pushed hardest. They’re the ones adapted, reimagined, and made personal. And sometimes, letting joy spill over early even if it was messy, loud, and unpolished, it is better than waiting for the “right” day.

Even if it didn’t get revealed on Christmas, I wouldn’t change a thing.

You Tell Me What you Think??

For the Ones who know how to Build up from the Rubble.

Did you ever notice how the people holding the world together are the same ones getting f*cked over by it?

The ones I am referring to are:

The single moms with dark circles. Sleep deprived yet still show up for anything for their kids to support them.

The felons who didn’t go back inside, who found a decent gig and are thriving, but can’t rent an apartment in their name.

The women who built up their “dream career” but sacrificed every version of themselves that exists outside of their office.

The teenagers who never got to be kids because they were too busy raising other ones.

The artist who buys materials instead of meals, hoping the hustle will pay off.

The healers who stitched others back together while still bleeding themselves.

The ones society filed under “lost cause.”
Diagnosed, dismissed, and drowned in debt.
Taught to tiptoe around the comfort of others.
But born to break the mold they were buried in.

They all make up The Xpendibles.

Not because they are expendable.
But because the world treated them like they were.
And guess what?

They are so much more. And so are you.
I hope.. no, I know that you can feel it now.

You’re in the right place.

Reading these words?

That wasn’t random.
You were meant to find your way here,
and now that I’ve got a headcount…

Let me tell you why you’re here.

Before you roll your eyes and think,

“Okayyy… so survival prepping? That’s what this is leading to? Where did that come from?!”

Let me stop you right there.

This isn’t about prepping because I watched one too many end-of-the-world TikToks.
This isn’t because I lost sleep and spiraled into a conspiracy rabbit hole.
I’m not out here impulse-buying tactical army gear on Amazon just to flex for content or sneak in affiliate links while telling you it’s “essential” to buy this item to survive.

This isn’t about clicks.
It’s not curated chaos for engagement.

This is bigger.
This is real.
This is about seeing the world for what it is and what might and preparing for it anyway.
Because once you know what you know, you can’t un-know it.
You don’t get to go back to sleep after you wake up.

You’re here because something in you already knew to pay attention.
I’m just saying out loud what you’ve been whispering to yourself.

Don’t act like this came out of nowhere.

This is about real life, right now.

And once you’re grown and, like, really on your own, then there are things you need to know.

Because the world we live in?

It doesn’t play fair.

And it doesn’t warn you before it punches.

Do it because you are in touch with reality.

Let’s keep it all the way real.

Bad people exist.

Natural disasters don’t send invites before they touch ground.

Systems fail.

Phones ring busy.

Governments glitch.

And sometimes, sh*t just hits the fan for no damn reason at all.

Since we are talking about scary apocalyptic doomsday possibilties lets talk about whats already showed face….

Zombies.

No, not the Walking Dead kind.
The present day hybrid version.  Still alive and Human-ish.

Well partially anyway. 

They can be found wandering through parking lots at 1AM.

They are what remains of the ones the system drugged, dumped, and forgot.

You are probably envisioning the stereotypical slow walking, moaning, and groaning, zombie.  Take that image and speed them up. Double that to 2x.  I think there is some prior conditioning of par cor that they tap into along the way, too.  They move fast.  Like shadows floating.

There you have it.

This is a most accurate description of the type of beings we saw on this particular night I’m about to tell you about.

Who created them?

I’ve traced their roots and yes, they’re human but, what they’ve become is something else entirely. This evolution into the unrecognizable began the moment lawmakers stormed in with their so-called solution to the opioid epidemic.

The government didn’t solve it.

It also didn’t disappear.

It just evolved to equal evil.

But stamped it as being a legitimate treatment option.

Then subsidized it.

The rabbit hole of corruption goes so deep.

Under the SUPPORT Act (Section 1006(b)), all state Medicaid programs must cover medication-assisted treatment (MAT) for opioid use disorder which includes methadone maintenance treatment and therapy. This mandate kicked in October 1, 2020, and runs through at least September 30, 2025.

(Which surprisingly enough, this incident with my son and I happened in December of 2020.)

These clinics use the facade to communicate structure if outside looking in so they dont raisw concerns to disrupt their payments.   The therapeutical element is the assigning of  an unqualified “counselor” who end up usually being a client themselves.  They are given the responsibility to act as your so-called case manager. They’re just middlemen, parroting whatever keeps the illusion of treatment alive. Wouldn’t that be a confluct on interest? Meanwhile, people are getting dosed up to 250mg a day. That’s not maintenance. It is a guarantee the clinic gets paid. And they will, because people keep showing up.

These clinics double as open-air drug markets. They are daily operating places to barter, trade, and score whatever cocktail gets them through the downtime. What we encountered was likely meth-fueled by the erratic movements, the emotional volatility. That’s not any form of stability.  It’s a chemical possession.

Year after year, these folks are trapped in a chemical leash. The long-term brain damage? Unimaginable. But this is what they call a solution to the opioid crisis.  What i think of is a herd cattle lining up to be slaughtered.

Most  can’t even stay awake long enough to finish a shift at Sonic. But as long as Medicaid covers the ride and the dose, that’s where the help ends. No housing. No food. There is no support to actually rebuild a life. Just time to kill until tomorrow’s fix.And with these laws enacted the homeless population has exploded with these large groupd migrating along the busiest roads and strategically setting up camps behind shopping centers, where they’re harder to remove without formal eviction. These areas become hostile fast: harassment, violence, and aggressive panhandling push businesses out one by one.

That chaos is why I moved into the city because i remember it to be more in order. At least, that was what i thought..

But they have trickled over the line into this side, and I only realized it after experiencing it firsthand.

So where do they go and what do they do?

Not their problem. It becomes ours. 

So thanks, Uncle Sam, for funding the rise of the modern-day zombie.

They aren’t really supernatural.  But it’s hard to tell the difference.

My heart hurts for the struggling addict because they too, make up the population of the broken and cast aside. 

But, the things that both my son and I  experienced overpowered my sympathy meter because now the stakes are higher. Once my instincts kicked in, the realness of it all and the harsh truth of my unpreparedness  became my only focus.

And no, I’m not being heartless. I know they’re human. But when people start preying on others, I need a way to process it—and sometimes, that means using dark metaphors. Not to dehumanize, but to survive it.

Maybe that reassurance of my city being safer and more controlled is what had me completely oblivious.

I am typically more paranoid naturally, but for some reason, I was this night.

Looking back now i think of it as something greater at play to open my mind up to things I needed to see. And in order to share with you.

Just to be clear, I was not walking to the store, poking my chest out and acting like i was looking for trouble.

At all.

We were only walking because I still had no parking pass for my complex and pulling out of the spot on the street would leave me without one to come back to.

All of my family was home and doing their own thing,  but I realized we were out of milk.  

I couldn’t stop obsessing over the fact my baby would wake up just as soon as I finally laid down and shut my eyes, screaming for a bottle.  I was beyond frustrated that nobody told me when they left only a drop in the carton for me to discover (teenagers!). 

7 Eleven does not sell Organic Grass-Fed milk.  

I already knew the grocery store didn’t open till 5am. 

This wasn’t my first rodeo with the milk battle after closing hours.

My youngest was still struggling with sleeping through the night and my momdar wouldn’t let it escape my mind to have some kind of milk for her just in case my lil dictator in a diaper got up to start making her demands.

So the time is  like 12:30am. School is out for summer.  It’s a ghost town. We saw maybe 2 cars on the busiest main road up until that point.

So, I went to each of my older kids, got their order for what they wanted for a late night snack since I was going to the store for the baby, I have to ask them too. 

I already knew my youngest son was going to stop whatever he was doing and come with. When they wrote the script for that movie Boss Baby, they must have used him for their muse.  He has been more responsible then me since he was maybe 7. Its crazy because his name is Curtis and thats apparently considered an “old fashioned” name in his generation.  But its so fitting.  Because he is the epitomy of old school charisma, manners and traditions, unconsciously. So I knew as soon as i did the motions to leave the house he would be a few steps behind, without saying a word.

Anyway….

So there we were walking.

Just a half mile. Harmless, right?

Wrong.

First wierd thing happened. 

As soon as we turned left to be on the road that the 7 Eleven is on, I felt someone behind me.

Are you guys familiar with sidewalk etiquette. 

Rules about crossing over, grass bypassing and DEFINITELY a certain distance to keep between other people walking. 

Especially late at night.

Especially not a woman and a child.

So, this guy, he didn’t get the memo. 

Keep in mind there is a whole sidewalk completely open on the opposite side.

But as he shoved his way like IN BETWEEN US, I heard him muttering to himself. 

Typically I would have lost my mind if someone pushed themselves through my child and I. 

I had something in my gut just stop me. 

For one, I was out of my element. 

Second, he didn’t seem like he was “here” to even realize any kind of etiquette rule and he had other things, obviously,  troubling him.

After he got a lil farther in front of us, I started explaining to my son that we just needed to turn up our spidey senses just a bit.

Not to scare him but, to in a way, communicate to him we had no business walking to the store that late and this whole thing was a big.  .

MY BAD.

I reassured myself in my head that the guy just probably was struggling with a mental illness.

As soon as i calmed down some my heart

Dropped.

I was already struggling with my gut telling me to turn around and now im caught off guard. 

To the left of us as we turned into the parking lot there were two other individuals sitting on the ground partially concealed by some tall grass, leaned up against the green box.

I was startled because they popped up so quick like you walking in the room and catching your kids doing something they know they shouldn’t.

I imagine it was US that startled THEM because they jumped up and ran off.

As they dispersed, i noticed both of those individuals had the same shuffle as the first guy.

But not broken.
Overburdened.

So as we get closer to the store, I’m noticing the windows are fogged up from the temperature difference from the climate inside the store vs the outside.  

Needless to say, its hard to see inside.

The glass is foggy as I tried to to a quick scan for any people inside, but all I can see is color blobs.  But I didn’t see anyone but the guy behind the counter.

I walked in and felt safer.  We got our few things and begin our check out process.

Now that i have been enlightened of the late night activity, i feel like a idiot for being out in it.  With my child.  On foot.  I look like im so irresponsible.  So i feel the need to explain myself.  To the clerk. Because i just am infamous for this.  I also, was hoping to give myself some reassurance, i believe,  through him, that we were ok.  Even if it was just a few wierd people we passed, i just didnt feel comfortable. I wanted to lead into some small talk with the clerk about the activity outside to gauge if it was typical because I was unaware so many people would be out and about, just wandering aimlessly but i didn’t get a word out. 

As soon as i went to open my mouth i was interrupted by the first guy, the one who invaded our bubble by barging through us, crawling across the floor beside me collecting coins that he seemed to have spilled. He was in the space that existed between myself and the door. The clerk rolled his eyes and asked me to give him a minute and he moved to the other register and i noticed a drink and a bag of chips there and a bunch of coins stacked up next to it.  I signaled for the clerk to come back to my register and to inconspicuously ring up the guys drink and chips, and I’d pay for it but asked for him to do it discretely. 

I didn’t want him to think i had the money and cause myself even more problems.  I felt like it was the right thing to do.  He was obviously struggling and it also allowed for me to kind of redeem myself without saying it because I did something i felt was the right thing to do.  I stepped around him and excused as while doing so and wete on our way back.

I start giving myself a lecture in my head of being overboard.

I mean I felt something was off and I felt uneasy and i was just on alert for the just in case because of my “spidey senses ” picking up on something.

False alarm…

Quite.

We are to the end of the parking lot, both of us have increased our pace which i think was just my son matching my eagerness to get home.

With my son Curtis,  we have this wierd telepathy where no words have to be spoken. He’s hyper aware of my energy. 

He isn’t the most social of my kids but he is the most aware. Of everything.  I glance back just to make sure the guy is still inside the store.  I don’t know why I did but even after all of that was behind us I still felt uneasy. 

I confirmed nobody was behind us but as I set my eyes back in front of us, I saw out the corner of my eye, two figures over by the dumpster on the side of the store move parallel from me, in the same direction, not on any path like they were cutting across a daycare and a field but I could see ad we we approaching where we were supposed to turn right at the Walgreens to go towards our home I scanned an area where they could come up behind and alongside the Walgreens to meet us head on.  I decided to cross the road only to the  separated little divided island grassy strip because I wanted to put more space between us to signal to them we weren’t going that way.

Just then I see a few other figures out of the corner of my left eye and it’s clear to me they are probably all together.

They saw us as we walked up and they waited for us to come out to ambush us for what I’m guessing what they want, something of value. 

I reached in my purse and grabbed my lil pink stun gun and handed it to my son. I took a knife I thankfully had in a zipper part of my purse and tucked it inside the waist of my pants. 

I didn’t have to tell my son about what was surrounding us because he already saw it and I told him to give me his grocery bag.  I stuffed it in my purse with the one I had.

I said I need you to run.  Run down.  Through the gas station and down that side street.  Theres a cut there.  Run. Don’t look back. Run home.  Don’t go in our complex though.  Go ti the neighborhood before it. Where it’s enclosed inside and they won’t follow you in.  Wait there.  I’ll meet you there.  I don’t want to lead them back to our home. 

He said I’m not leaving you. 

I’m like oh my God Curtis, fine.

Im going to try one more thing.

Play along.

I started acting unbothered.  I pulled the bags back out and handed him his. 

I started talking to my son louder and praising the EBT gods for hitting the account at midnight. 

It was a diversion tactic to signal to those people,  whatever they were, zombie ninjas on stealth mode, that we were broke too. 

I mean, if they all worked together, as a system,  the mentally unstable guy was the antagonist to gauge my  degree of tolerance.  The second two people that caught us by suprise were to determine how I’d respond by being caught off guard so they wouldn’t be surprised later on by something sharp and shiny slicing through their skin.

The second appearance from man #1 was to gauge my finances. I did fail that test. 

Remember? I did pay for his coke and chips. it probably was the green light to move in. 

For all I know, the clerk at the 7 Eleven was in on it too. 

But under pressure, I’m typically pretty damn good.

I reminded back to remember just back in the store and the items I paid for were all food items. 

No cash.

So EBT is going to get us out of this. If anything does.  It’s the best excuse. Especially given the time.

I tried to disguise my uncomfortability by opening up a candy bar and handing him a square of it. 

Believe me, I wasn’t hungry but I wanted to flip it around on them and since they were studying our movements without out permission long before I realized it, I’m gonna use it to get us home safe.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and acted as if i was receiving a call and answered it.

I was having a full on conversation with nobody but it didn’t matter.  I was trying to seem as though someone, preferably a big man that could hurt them,  was approaching, with our family dog.

Two more additions into the situation thar would have them fall back from us.

In my mind, I looked ridiculous improvising this entire thing, but desperation apparently made it believable.

The 3 individuals to the left I saw fell back and the two I saw that were coming around the side of the Walgreens to meet me head on were just standing still around the back side which was still too close for me and also in a partial view of our path back home.

I thought it was in our best interest to walk to the apartment complex in front of ours and into a random building and wait a few minutes to leave out the back side of it just to get them to completely return to their original place outside the store by the dumpster. 

I can’t tell you how dull that knife probably was I had in my waistband, and the stun gun I handed my son was probably so low in wattage it wouldn’t even cause anything more then a sting.

It was better than nothing even if the only thing it offered us both was a fake sense of security.

I can tell you that the same false sense of security allowed me to calm myself down enough to think quickly and enact a strategy that ultimately saved us from something that could have ended much differently.

I spent the next few days just flabbergasted at what happened and reconsidering this move back here.

I intentionally went to a place I knew to be safe for my sons to go to middle and high school in schools in a place that I knew some of the faculty and a few of the office staff were in my graduating class.  

Only if you know me personally, you can understand how difficult it is for me to admit I made a mistake.

An expensive, contract binding mistake that I no longer wanted to be in. 

No matter how asthetically pleasing I tried to make my walls.

There had to be some explanation for this.

I started looking at the crime data and incident reports posted up and seeing the spike in crime in this 3 block stretch.

The same 7Eleven had a car drive through the window just previously. 

A house that was behind the store was an address that popped up 11 times in the last 2 months for shots fired and other violent crimes that resulted in arrests.

It didnt explain the influx of so much activity that all would have been stopped by local law enforcement after any of the individuals being seen more than once the way our city police operate. City wide ordinances for  loitering and pan handling within the city limits.  They are usually on top of it.

What changed?

My kids and I should be able to walk around without being fearful. 

Everything changed.

Now it was necessary for me to adjust my own behavior according to the world and the threats that exist around us all the time. No matter where we are.  In our home or outside of it.

This experience was something i felt needed to be shared and i needed to paint the picture for you of what happened, play by play, of just a mom who was a little too confident to walk to the closest store, after midnight, with her young son, with no suitable way to protect either of them from the threats that existed around them and went unseen until all they could do was react.  There was no one to come swoop in and save them. 

Now, when I am talking about being prepared it’s not like full on off grid survival type of prepping.  I’m saying throw an extra few things in your purse, glove box, work desk drawer or locker,  keyring,  and definitely your home!

After ive clarified my aim here and it not being just a gimmick, Maybe it doesn’t sound completely foolish to keep flashlights, batteries, canned food, a radio, and a few medical essentials in the house. 

For the what ifs.

Maybe having basic self-defense tools within arm’s reach isn’t as crazy once you look a little more into the unseen threats we come in contact with daily and have been grateful to miss.

Maybe having a book at your fingertips refer to things that are territory you are unfamiliar with and you need it broken into ways that you can understand it.  
overkill either, huh?

Anything other than the bare minimum is better than absolutely nothing.

But what if you’ve got kids?

Then the game changes.

Add little humans into the mix and now it’s not just prepping.

It’s responsibility.

Because you’re not just packing snacks for soccer practice.
Have you thought about what you’d do if your schoolage kid’s school goes on lockdown unexpectedly?

You remember seeing the email about the newly implemented statewide rule concerning your kid’s phone and it being locked away in some asinine “policy-approved” classroom lockbox at the beginning of each class per the governor.
Have you thought about how they are gonna reach you?
How will they know what to do?

Or say you co-parent and your kid’s other parent lives a mile away. That’s close enough until the grid collapses and the phones aren’t working , and walking that mile might as well be walking the line in front of a firing squad because sh*t has hit the fan and they ate unaware of the threats that exist all around them as people are frantically tryimg to put the pieces together of what’s happened. 
If you haven’t made a plan in advance and established a meeting point, a fallback route, a “this is what we do if everything goes to hell” playbook. 

you’re screwed.

And so are they.

Ok.

Now let’s talk geography.

Tornadoes. Hurricanes. Floods. Grid-down events. Fires. Civil unrest.

Whatever’s most likely in your area, you should already have a plan for it.

And if you’re thinking, “Well I live in a second-floor apartment so what good is a basement plan to me?”

Exactly.
You need your version of a basement.

That means:

Pre-identifying a friend, family member, or even a local shelter with a safer structure.

Making sure they know you’re coming if sh*t goes sideways.

On top of keepimg them in the mix you gotta pair it with consistent stocking that place with basics: water, shelf-stable food, blankets, batteries, wipes, copies of IDs, meds.

Mapping the fastest, safest route to get there under different scenarios—car, foot, chaos.

Don’t start the process with the shopping list.

This isn’t about fear.
This is about preparing you for the dangers in a world that assumes you won’t think ahead.
This is about being “the calm” in your family’s chaos.
The one with the plan.
The one who already drew the map.

Start with a plan.

Before you spend a dime, open a note, grab a notebook, or sit down with your family and say:

“What would we do if (insert a disaster here) happened?”

Run through it.
Make it a conversation.

Not a crisis.
Give your kids age-appropriate instructions.
Make the adults responsible for roles.
Establish where you meet, who you call, and how you stay safe if the usual comforts vanish.

Because being unprepared isn’t cute anymore.

If you think it’s dramatic now.

Imagine when the grid goes down.

When the lights go out.
When food’s gone.
When phones are down.
When cops are 30 calls behind and the National Guard reroutes your emergency to voicemail.

What then?

You never got around to learning how to fortify a window.
You assumed there’d always be time.
You kept putting off applying for that gun license.
You thought safety meant dialing 911.

Let’s make it real simple:

#1Apply for your gun license.

#2Order an affordable firearm from a licensed dealer near you.

#3Take a concealed carry + firearm safety class (yes, Groupon has them).

#4Get non-lethal options for your older kids. Teach them safety. Practice together.

#5Document your plan. Make Copies.

#6Train. Learn. Prepare. Repeat.


Because if you wait until you need this, it’s already too late.

This isn’t a hustle.
This is a gift.

From one Xpendible to another.

I’m not selling you hope in exchange for clicks.

This is not a drill.  To be nervous about things does not mean you are overreacting.

You are not alone.

You are waking up.

And this isn’t about being a prepper.

It’s about being a mother. A father. A protector. A warrior. A realist.
It’s about knowing that this cold world doesn’t care about your excuses.

But your kids do.
So does your future self.

The one who survives.
The one who rebuilds.

The one who remembers this moment as the turning point.

You’re not expendable.

You’re Xpendible.
Which means you’ve been overlooked.

But never bowed.
And baby, that’s the kind of soul that makes it through the fire and builds the blueprint on the ashes.

Let’s rebuild.
Together.

Written Specifically for you by One of those who will still remain after the dust settles.